A few ways to be happier and more productive as a parent
Some practices I've been experimenting with to help me get more done, be happier, and make time for my kids
I’ve been feeling disconnected from Twitter X lately given how toxic and ragebait-y the platform has felt. And that was before the site’s in-house AI agent, Grok, went full Nazi.
I spent a good amount of time in the early days of my online writing building an audience on X. I’ve met amazing people who have become friends, referred me business, and made important introductions. But there comes a point where you have to recognize whether you’re being sucked into consumer vs. creator mode. When a platform starts sucking you in, taking important time out of your day for trivial things designed to spike your cortisol, its healthy and important to step away.
We all have things we need to get done and the demands on our time, and attention, are endless.
I used to think this was a willpower issue, or “skill issue” as the meme goes. I may have been too naive. There are simply too many ways for the day to slip leaving us miserable, unfulfilled, and exhausted with little to show for it.
The following are some things I’ve been doing to protect my time, my mental health, and my productivity on the work that is important to me:
Phone is in airplane-mode throughout the working day, and in the other room. I can still check messages at defined times, but there is basically no way for a notification to disrupt my work. The only messages that can come through are from my wife and my parents (for true emergencies). Every other notification is neutered before it even has a chance.
I’ve started putting my phone in greyscale mode in the morning and evenings. I find that not having the bright colors makes it easier for me to put the phone down to spend time with my kids, get chores done, or literally do anything more productive than staring at a screen. I’m not ready to go full “dumb phone” yet, but its getting close.
I reserve 10 minutes before working and 10 minutes at the end for meditation. Nothing fancy, just sitting quietly, eyes closed, to calm and center my mind. 10 minutes is such a pitifully short amount of time that there is basically no excuse to skip it.
Download a website blocker like Opal. I use it to create focus sessions throughout the day where even if I’m tempted to see what’s going on in the world, or on my social feed, I’m blocked. A gentle reminder to stay focused. Over time, if the desire to find a distraction is difficult enough to break, the desire itself wanes until it disappears for good. Social media sites are a no-brainer to add to a website blocker.
Read more physical books. I have plenty of books I’ve purchased and haven’t gotten around to reading. Any time I would otherwise be wasting time on my phone or checking the score of a game, I could be reading. Having a physical book with you at all times means you can always reach for that instead of your phone.
Wake up early. I used to never be a morning person. The past few years, I’ve been getting up earlier and earlier. Part of that is being a parent—kids don’t care if you had a late night. But part of it is also recognizing how much more I can get done for myself by waking up earlier, and going to bed earlier. I’ve had more time to write my book, more time to hit the gym, and more time to meet up with friends for early morning swims. All before the kids get up and the day starts to move at a rapid pace.
I print out important work. If I need to edit something important, there’s only so much I can accomplish staring at a screen. At some point, everything begins to blur. By printing it out, usually in some goofy font like Comic Sans, I can see holes in my writing and logic. Then I mark it up with a pen and revise back at the computer. This has saved me from putting out some embarrassing work I otherwise would have missed.
Different playlists for different tasks. I’ve figured out at this point in my life which types of music put me in the mood to do different things. Lifting heavy weights in the gym requires a different headspace than editing a 10,000 word chapter.
Knowing when to stop. Before kids, I had a terrible addiction to work. Post kids, I’ve learned how healthy it is to step away from the computer at a specific time of the day to be with them. And its actually great. The games they like to play remind me that there is nothing terribly important about anything I might have going on that is more important than being with them and seeing them grow. The time flies either way, so you may as well get the benefit of laughing and playing with them while they still want to play with you.